Why did the turkey cross the road? Because he wasn't chicken. What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps. What do you call a blind reindeer? No idea. What’s the best Christmas present you could get? A broken drum - you just can’t beat it. What do snowmen eat for lunch? Ice burgers. How will Brexit affect Christmas dinner? No Brussels. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy. Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? They were too deer. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsilitus. What's the most popular Christmas wine? I don't like Brussel sprouts. What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper. What’s a child’s favourite King at Christmas? A stoc-king. Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia. How did Scrooge win the football game? The ghost of Christmas passed. Why can’t Christmas trees knit? Because they always drop their needles. What do you call a cat in the desert? Sandy Claws. Who gives presents to cats? Santa Paws. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas Eve. What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas Quacker.